Tough Love

My son and I did not share a word on our way to the school. He had turned off the radio, much to my chagrin and had immersed himself into his book. I felt the uncontrollable itch to make conversation but knew it will be received with disapproval and disappointment. The car stopped and he bookmarked his book with a pen, tucked it under his arm, pulled his almost empty worn out school bag from behind and walked off. I shouted, “Good Luck” but he did not turn around and I would never know if he heard me at all.  

As the bell stuck 8, students were pouring in, some with books and note books under their arms hurrying off to the classes, others in deep discussions about dates and names and chemical formulae with their peers. These were the same bunch I saw every morning and afternoon while dropping my son to school. They were always a  cheery-chirpy group, with boys in ever new hairstyles and girls in ever shrinking skirts, chit-chatting without a worry, strolling towards their respective classes. 

But today was different. The chit-chatting was meaningful. The stride was purposeful and the books that lay un attended to in the bag were out and open. It was the first day of exams and the effort to learn was ernest. Or perhaps, just the desire for respectable marks was sincere. We would never know. One could lead to the other!

The gentle chill was in the breeze and on the tenth day of November, the winds in the school had changed to serious and business. When exam finished, there was a quite and serious discussion among friends about the paper and the solutions. But soon, every one left. 

My son had still not come out when I found one of his friends. I feigned composure. (Inside I was impatient to know how my son’s exam went, check the paper, calculate the expected marks based on his answer, compare his with other kids and approximate his rank. But I did to act of this impulse). How was the paper, Raj? Oh, hello Aunty. It was okey. Not too easy. 

Really! Why do your teachers give such tough questions? I said.

Shrugging his shoulders, Raj thought it best to elaborate. It was lengthy. 

I knew I am not getting anything more from his so changed my line of enquiry. Where is Aby? Oh, he finished half an hour early. I don't know, he was talking to some guys around the atrium. 

Thank you, Raj. I decided to wait. When My son finally came, I had a battery of questions ready for him. In the 7 minutes I had waited on him after my conversation with Raj, I had imagined all scenarios of why my son would finish a 'lengthy' paper half an hour early.But I tried to play cool, with absolutely no success. His first words were, Mom, don’t be hyper! I swallowed. Ok ok just tell me, how did your paper go? Shutting his eyes, he said, I don't wanna talk about it. Im tiered. 

This had the obvious reaction. The same reaction when your kid says, don't worry I know what I'm doing!!

Anyway, there was nothing to be done. I drove home with a knot in stomach while my son decided to compensate the morning radio with very loud rock music. 

The after noon was predictable. We ate a snack and he finally came around to giving some nuggets of insight on the exam. It was fine. I did not know one answer very well. But I wrote what I knew. It was fine. 

I am sure he was being kind but any mom worth her salt will know fine is never (a) fine (answer)!!!

I decided this was the time to look forward. Whats done is done1 So for the second exam I was going to be my usual loving supportive mom creating an environment that is with out pressure and intrusion. After feeding my son 2 glasses of badam milk, massaging oil on his scalp, adjusting the air conditioner to a 'not too cold' and 'not to hot' temperature, asking him every half an hour if he needs anything, checking that he has enough pens and making sure that his school clothes are spotless, I felt I have done everything to prepare for the exam. I knew he would do well. 

So we went to school the next day in the morning to the sea of busybody scholars who were trying to squeeze in the last few grains of wisdom before the exam. In the afternoon, my son’s reply to my standard question of “how did the paper go” was the standard “fine”. This was disturbing but I decided to not have a showdown. He needed a balanced, happy and calm home. 

This went on and only the last two exams were left. For every exam my son had returned with the ‘fine’ rating while his friends had come out of the exam with big smiles on their faces and a bounce on their feet. They also mentioned that they were studying much harder. Some worked till 11 in the night and woke up before dawn to revise. My son was fast asleep before 10:30 and wouldn’t wake up early at all. It was worrisome. I had reached the end of my wits. That night I decided to call the mom of  my son’s best friend to check how he was doing. She said that he was not studying very hard, that he was waking up till late only because he was sleeping in  the day , that he had not prepared for the exams earlier etc. Surely she was lying, I thought. Anyway. The exams were over. The kids were happy. So were the moms. It truly felt like Independence day. A day of Freedom. 

Results were out soon. I was afraid but had braced myself for the worst- 'average marks'! My son, to my utter delight had scored very well and had seized the second position. I was proud. I looked  forward to meeting other moms to drop hints on how well he scored. 

When the original euphoria settled in and I bumped into the mom of the child who ranked first, I started thinking where I missed that my son came second instead of first. And after much deliberation I have realised that next time, I would feed him at least 2 tea spoons of Chawanprash. that would definitely do the trick. Now I look forward to the next exams and come first!